Ragged Edges
by MysticVeil
Summary: "Get off this God damn ship. Go live your life." he tells her. "Life? What life do I have to live?" she tells him. A short story about Captain Englehorn and the woman he loved... And lost.


Kurt Englehorn leans against the rail of his ship, his blue eyes staring at the sea. A woman stands beside him.

"Get off this God damn ship. Go live your life, Ada." he tells her. She stiffens beside him. She looks down, her black hair falling and obscuring her face from him.

"Life? What life do I have to live? Where would I go?"

"Anywhere. Just... Live. You really want to stay on this ship? Going from one place to the next... That's no life for you. You deserve to be happy, to have a husband and family. It's what you want, isn't it?" he asks her. He reaches for her jaw, tilting her head so he can see her.

"You know what I want." she says. Her voice is quiet, only whisper. He can barely hear her.

"I could never give you the life you want. You know that." he replies. His hand slips from her jaw, and he casts his eyes down, refusing to meet her gaze.

"I know and I would never be able to have that life with anyone else. You know that too." she tells him. He nods. He puts his arm around her, pulling her close and buries his face in her hair. He sighs and she wraps her arms around him, hiding her face in his chest.

Kurt Englehorn has only loved two things. One was the ocean. The other was the woman holding him. And she loved him too. She craved him, needs him. And he needs her too. He always will.

"Kurt?" she whispers. He glances down at her, seeing her dark eyes staring at him. She leans on his shoulder, her warm breath tickling his skin. She tightens her grip on him, scared that if she lets him go she would lose him. His hands go to her bare arms, and he runs his thumb across her skin, and he can feel the ragged edges of a scar on her arm. The scar is from the first time he found her...

_She was nearly dead. _

_They had just left port, after refueling in America. He was down looking through the cages, just checking the bottles of chloroform, making sure none of them were cracked. Choy had once again neglected to put them away in the crates. But then he heard something, only a faint noise. Like someone admitting a faint gasp. He walks around the cage and finds the source of the noise. Someone who crawled into a small gap between cages. The captain kneels down and examines the thing. It's bleeding, he can see that. The thing scrambles away from him, but he grabs it's leg and harshly pulls it. In doing so he pulls out... A woman. She's gasping, tears are streaming down her face. He can see bruises littering her dark skin, and the blood running down her leg. _

_"What are you doing on my ship?"he asks her._

_She doesn't answer him. _

_"I asked you what your name was?!" he growled. She flinched. _

_"I... I ran away. I had... Nowhere to go." she whispers. She looks thin and broken and pitiful. _

_"What's your name?" he asks her. _

_She still doesn't answer. _

_"If you don't tell me, I'll just have to make one up for you." he tells her. She stares at him, like a frightened animal in a cage. _

_"Fine. Ada. How's that?" he asks. She nods. _

_He helps her up and takes her to Mr. Hayes, who fixes up the physical damage as best he could... But the emotional damage was far worse. She wouldn't speak to them. To this day, she still won't tell them where she came from or even what her real name is. If you ask her, she grows frightened and bolts._

_Kurt only intended on keeping her on the ship until the next port, then she would leave. But she begged him not to let her go. In the end he couldn't send her away. Even he didn't have the heart to force her to leave..._

So now here they are. Ada helps the sick men, so she's not entirely unuseful. Kurt still wonders why she stays on the ship. But he knows the reasons now. One was Jimmy. She loves him like a son, and couldn't bear to leave him. Of course, there's a place in Jimmy's heart that will always belong to Mr. Hayes, the one who found him and took care of him. He is his father. But Ada is like his mother. Sometimes Kurt has walked in on the two of them, sound asleep, Jimmy nestled into Ada's and her arms wrapped around him, holding him close. She loves that boy with everything in her. The second reason; the sea. The sea is her home. And the third... Well... It's Kurt. She will never leave him. She can't. He's her drug, she's addicted to him and cannot bear to lose him.

Kurt reaches up and runs his finger along her jaw line, his finger lingering on her lips. She's addicted to him... But he's addicted to her too. He knows she shouldn't be on the ship, that she should be with a husband and raising a family... But he can't bare to let her go.

o0o

Mr. Hayes leans on the rail, his forehead resting on his head. He's tired... And a little hung over. But then he hears a sound he's so very familiar with. Jimmy. He hops up beside him, his bright face smiling like a ray of sunshine in the mist.

"Morning, Mr. Hayes!" he says, just a little too loudly.

"Morning Jimmy... Quieter please." he says gruffly.

"Sorry. Have you seen Ada? I can't find her anywhere." Jimmy asks him, using the nickname he always uses for Ada. Mr. Hayes nods, and then points to the helm. Ada stands there beside the captain. She has her head on the captains chest. He's staring at the sea, but with one hand he's running it up and down her spine. Jimmy frowns.

"Why won't she leave him? What's keeping her here? They can't be together forever." he says.

"You don't understand, Jimmy. You're young. She's here because she can't leave him. And he can't leave her. She makes him a better person. She changes him. But he's changing her too. They're the best thing for each other but the worst. They keep each other happy but they know that if they stay together, neither of them can live the life they want to." he tells Jimmy. The boy nods, but still doesn't answer. Love confuses him. But he knows the captain and Ada well enough to know that something is... Off. The captain refuses to look in her eyes. He's distant. He's never been distant before.

o0o

Kurt stands with Mr. Hayes on the deck. Kurt hasn't said anything, he's only been smoking.

"You didn't have to send her away." Mr. Hayes says quietly.

"Yes I did. She deserved a better life than this." Kurt responds.

He did have to send her away. He thought he was doing the right thing, really he did. He thought that if she were to get off the ship, away from him, she would be happy. He begged her to go... And eventually she gave in. She stopped fighting him. Before she left, she turned and kissed him for the last time. It was soft and he could practically feel her shaking from fear. But all too soon she disappeared and he was left alone.

"Will she ever come back?"Hayes asks him.

Kurt doesn't respond.

He never did see her again. He half expected her to come back to the ship, but of course she didn't. He often wondered what happened to her. Maybe if he had kept her with him, she wouldn't have died of tuberculosis. But he'll never know that.

And he still waits for her. He still expects to see her standing against the rail, like she always did. He doesn't know she'll never come back. He will still wait for her... Forever.


End file.
